is it possible that i'm reading too much into this?

i have a good friend. the friend happens to be male. i try my darndest not to read too much into the relationship. but as a woman, i must overanalyse all things. it's simply in the job description of someone with mammary glands.

it's not that i don't love this guy. if i wasn't already on the "in line to get married" list (engaged, ok?), and he asked me out...i'd be tempted. he has one of the nicest hearts i've had the pleasure of knowing, he's hot as hell...but not perfect. no guy is. that is prolly the hardest lesson to ever learn...don't be puttin' yer man or woman friends on pedestals.

anyhow, we've known each other about three years. the curiosa festival was the starting point and the cool shoes just helped. let me tell you, these converse all-stars are prolly some of the most obnoxious shoes ever...they are basically black with converse all-star written all over them in light blue, red and pink. let's buck the trend here. it was a funny beginning. but i'm glad for it.

but i'm not here to rehash the friending of one bad jacket and mr guy here. simply put, it's a friendship that i'd rather not lose during our mutual lifetimes. (hmmm, i do like that phrase)

we're buddies. a person the other likes to talk to on occasion. txting and in person. the other night...a night of great rains in my neck of the woods (it was so windy that the rain was almost sideways) that didn't really stop for over 3 hours...i got invited to halloween in july. i always wonder why july, but i guess it's due to an acquaintance's birthday and he likes halloween...why i'll never know (my personal loathing of the holiday is another story) but whatever floats his boat. he also likes to wear flip flops and has incredbily ugly feet. most people who like flip flops do...which is why i try not to look down in this state because many people ... you get the drift and i digress... anyhow, so i asked mr guy if he was doing anything that night cos i was concerned for his safety. a manual drive and water don't mix too well...especially if you're gonna be a bit liquored up. so yeah, he says he hasn't seen me in a while (a week or two) so i should come to the party.

it really bothers me that he should miss me.

yes, i know friends like their friends and are allowed to miss them. i miss a couple of girl friends every now and then.




but this is a guy friend.



this is also a party where people sometimes get a little freaky and start removing items of clothing.



this could be embarrassing. he's hot. i said that already.



i didn't go to the party as i have no real means of dressing up. funny thing was, i could have gone as a punk or some such. and guess what mr guy was?

he was a punk.

it's not that we think alike or anything. never.


but the point of everything is...he likes to hang with me sometimes. it's not like he gets fresh...if anything, not fresh. he'll hug me if i hug him. but i've received a drunk i love you from him. and drink can be a truth serum.


but i'll never be able to confront him about his feelings for me. i just let him say what he wants when he wants. so for now, we're good friends. that's all.

call me divine

that's a reference to john waters' muse...i'm not saying i'm fabulous and wondrous. in fact people have me feeling just the opposite lately. i know, i know...those who "know" say that you allow people to destroy you becos you are the owner of your feelings.

let's get real here. i'm supposed to sit here and take it when i'm doing what i need to do alleviate myself of a debt (that in the BIG scheme of things isn't huge...like the Nation's pile of money) and i am obviously paying it down now. but no, since i'm in collections, i can be harrassed and harrassed and harrassed.... there is something wrong with that business plan. you and i both know the more you are pushed to do something, the less you want to do it. they want me to set up an automatic payment plan so i don't get harrassed. i've prolly become one of those people they dread when i call. oh no, it's that (MY NAME INSERTED HERE) person. she's got a temper, she's rotten, she's...

this effects you when you're in a bad place already. they break the law. you want to take names and kick butt.

then i work in a place that for some reason they could have a computer doing my job but they prefer humans...even though that's more expensive. but people treat you like that stuff your dog does in the back yard, front yard...anywhere he can. yeah. crap. folks i have a script. i have to stick to the SCRIPT. or if i don't, my pay goes down. i get in trouble. so yes, please abuse me and call me stupid, idiot, and all other names you can pick out of the hat. it makes my everlivin' day. i laugh so hard. some of you are just so stupid and if you looked back at what you did, you would not believe it. your mother would be ashamed of you. would you like it if i went to your job and thoroughly abused the crap out of you? i didn't think so. i am human...and i HAVE FEELINGS!!!

Add those together and with the crap piling on crap...it gets very stinky. and i push away out of my life. i don't want to deal with anyone.

thanks america.

disgusting politics

I received an e-mail (needless to say a forward) from someone who I thought was freethinking enough to avoid such utter...crap. It was stating the "facts" about Barack Obama.

Good grief, he has Muslim heritage. Big deal. Let's look at the Articles of Faith of my religion-- I am a proud Latter-Day Saint, aka a Mormon. But call me LDS. Number 2. "We believe that men will be punished for their own sins, and not for Adam's transgression." This is to say we should be punished for what we do as individuals...not for the sins of our fathers. This is not to say that being a Muslim is a sin. It is a religion with some very good beliefs. As with any belief system it has been corrupted over time by certain individuals who end up giving it a bad name.

I haven't sorted out just who I want to vote for yet, but I do know I will do my research. Anyone that places hatred as a way to try and get my vote will be on the heck no list. It disgusts me that we have to stoop to such horrific levels. Remember. Once the Catholics were a reviled religion and for some people they still are. But we got John F. Kennedy in the White House and he did some good. Not as much as he could have, but when your life is cut short...it's a viable excuse. There were worries that the Pope would control JFK's doings.

Now we have the issues of an LDS candidate for the White House. I don't like Mitt Romney's politics so I will not be voting for him. I have my free will...my right to say No to him. Just because someone is my religion does not make him OR her the perfect person.

And then there is Obama. Study for yourself and do not blindly accept a candidate just for the religion he or she believes (or does not believe) in. Do not blindly accept a person because of his or her political affiliation. Learn who best supports what YOU believe in...and sincerely study it out.

If you want to vote for the vampire candidate...go ahead.